I first heard this statement from a friend when my dad passed away. If you’ve had a parent die, you truly understand what this means, because otherwise it’s not quite the same. Not to say losing other people in your life is less or more painful than a parent- just different. I have lost other people before and after my dad; a friend, grandparents, and a baby. But there is something different about a parent, especially one who was a very positive and influential part of your life.
It reframes your world, I think. Structures and ways of doing things have to be remade. “Go-to” things you do give you a gut-check because you have nowhere to go with them. These new frames make you sad for a while too, even though they can be good things. I think that if the parent is lost when you are an adult it gives you a sense of being on your own or left with no support. I lost my dad when I was 35 so this is my only experience. If you have not experienced this than it probably sounds silly because adults usually do stand on their own two feet, but it’s more just the feeling not reality. But the feeling is scary. No two ways about it.
Some people say it feels scary because you are next in line to die (How morbid right?) but I don’t agree. I think it’s just the loss of a wisdom bringer in your life. You have fewer support structures now which makes you unsteady. Overtime I learned to turn to God first instead of my dad, which of course is better since God doesn’t leave or move away from me. I’m not saying I’m perfect at this but I’m getting better. So obviously my dad dying was an awful experience that gave me a membership into this awful club, but I am stronger and more stable now because of it. I hope this gives you hope if you are a newer member of this awful club.